There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
