i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
