I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
They took my balls.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
