I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
