Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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