my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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