Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
