dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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