It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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