Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
