Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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