A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
