Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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