Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you had me at cake vodka
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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