I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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