I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
