great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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