Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
