is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
