I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
