i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
