She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
