i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
