Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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