I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
