I think I died a long time ago.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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