When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
