she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
