I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
