at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
