im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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