That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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