My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
