You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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