wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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