I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
