I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
