i think my tv is drunk
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
