Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
