i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have tasted many bathrooms
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
