Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
