I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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