Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
