so that wasnt chicken after all
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you didnt know i had herpes?
two words...techno handjob
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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