Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's rum buckets o'clock
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
