He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
