I want to have your abortion
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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