dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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