So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
