some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
