I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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