So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
