Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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