I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
