This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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