If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
