They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
operation have a gay friend backfired
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
this will be a night to untag.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
