just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
