it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
