The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
