i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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