So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
