Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
