So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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