I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
