I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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