Already got asked if we're dating
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Still dying that you shit outside
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
