Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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