I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
