I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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