umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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