You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
