how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
