His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
