dude i'm inner monologue high
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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