Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I love having hate sex.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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