There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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