Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
