I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
