Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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