At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
