I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
