Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Your penis caused this!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
