She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
