How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
