OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The uberlube is also flammable
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
