I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
