The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
